


“Even if I yell”

by Yram_78



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Goals, M/M, Make-up, Mentioned break up, Season 3, fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 05:07:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13451187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yram_78/pseuds/Yram_78
Summary: Alec and Magnus have their first fight after their breakup in Season 2 and the arrive of Lilith. Based off the quote, "From now on, you can expect that I'm gonna show up. Even if I yell. Even if you yell. I'm always gonna show up. Okay?" From Derek Shepherd on Grey’s Anatomy.





	“Even if I yell”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic posted ever, so bare with me! Any notes to improve would be appreciated!

It was safe to say that Alec Lightwood was very new to the whole “relationship” thing. His small time with Lydia did not count, not even a little bit, there was no attraction between the two of them and Alec could never see a future with a woman. That being said, Alec also did not have a lot of “good” relationships to take note from among that of his parents, Izzy and Raphael, Clary and Jace, and, for a short time, Clary and Simon. All of those relationships either ended horribly or were too complicated to even begin to decipher. His relationship with Magnus was still fresh and he found himself trying to find his footing at times. But Magnus was very patient with him and helped guide him along or make him comfortable when Alec did not know how to take things.  
However, Alec also knew that his relationship with Magnus was not like any of the ones around him. They were madly in love with one another, they leaned on each other, they could read each other than they could read themselves. Alec Lightwood knows that even though Magnus Bane is first he is also his only, he will never love another the same way.  
Which is why there breakup over the soul sword was a shock to Alec’s system.  
Alec knew he should have told Magnus, the guilt gnawing at him when Magnus went on about how he could always trust the shadowhunter allowed a pit of uneasiness to settle in his stomach. The hurt that flashed across Magnus’s eyes as he confronts Alec about his knowledge of the whereabouts, or lack of, the soul sword. The image of Magnus turning his back on him in the institute frightens him to this day. Which is why Alec has been walking on eggshells around Magnus so he doesn’t mess up again.  
Of course Magnus caught on an tried to comfort Alec that he wouldn’t leave him again, how the fight was in the past and that next time the would talk it out. At the time, Alec smiled and said Magnus was right and he would try to not let it bother him.  
But Alec couldn’t seem to trust himself around Magnus anymore. After Magnus asked Alec to move into the his loft, Alec made a promise to himself to try and avoid upsetting Magnus in anyway, and he was doing pretty well.  
That was, until yesterday night.  
He and Magnus had been looking in his many spell books for a way to find and capture the demon Lilith. Unfortunately, none of Magnus’s books held a spell strong enough to track her, let alone catch her. The both of them were frustrated, and what Alec thought was helpful input just seemed to frustrate Magnus even more.  
It didn’t take long for rising tensions to lead to an argument.  
“I was just saying, if maybe we looked through some of the files in the institute, they may have something your library doesn’t have.”  
“You really think the institute would know more about the mother of warlocks than a 400-year-old warlock?”  
“I’m not saying it to insult you, but maybe we could assemble a team of shadow-”  
“If you think you could do so well then do it without me!” Magnus spits.  
Alec freezes, his face straight as he takes Magnus in for a moment. The warlock is flushed, breathing heavily, which seems to fill out his broad frame even more, blue magic interlacing his fingers. To others he would strike fear in their hearts over the way his anger seems to overtake him. But Alec can only see how tired Magnus looks, how upset he is for not finding the answer to the million dollar question of the Shadow World after weeks of research. He know Magnus doesn’t mean to take his anger out on him, he know Magnus doesn’t mean it. But Alec cannot fight the way the words take him back to the night Max had been injured and Magnus had broken up with him. It was all crashing down on Alec’s head again, he had made Magnus angry again and he didn’t want this to be the start of arguments that pile up before they lead to a break up. Alec just got Magnus back, he cannot lose him. He cannot go back to Magnus being cold, completely ignoring his presence, and calling him by anything but “Alexander.” Acting as though Alec was someone he couldn’t recognize.  
Alec won’t lose Magnus. Not now, not ever.  
The shadowhunter’s hesitation to respond to Magnus only rile him up even more. Magnus’s face contorts as he sneers, “Go on then, do better than the High Warlock, I would love to see it.” Before storming off to their bedroom and slamming the door.  
So Alec stood there, contemplating whether to try and smooth things over with Magnus now or give him what he asked and just leave. If he left he may give Magnus to cool down before he talks to him. Maybe Alec should take a walk to give them both some time. With that thought, Alec picks up his coat from the rack and walks out the front door.  
...  
Alec doesn’t know how long he spends walking around Central Park before he looks at his phone and realizes it’s past midnight. Instead of going home, he decides it best to sleep at the institute, which is closer and doesn’t have a certain warlock boyfriend who is mad at him.  
When Alec finally reaches his bed, he strips down to his underwear and burrows under the covers.  
However, Alec knows he won’t be getting any sleep. He doesn’t know how to sleep comfortably anymore without Magnus cuddled next to him, their fight that night also making him uneasy. He tosses and turns until the sun peaks from behind his blinds. Deciding to get an early start on the day, Alec reluctantly gets dressed and makes his way down to his office.  
...  
It’s close to midnight when Alec looks up from his tablet. He and other shadowhunters spent the day agonizing over research and dark magic patterns across New York, attempting to find any leads on Lilith but came up empty handed. They were no closer to finding her since the day she made her dramatic, unwelcome appearance.  
Earlier that morning, Izzy took notice of him when he emerged from his bedroom and asked him why he wasn’t at home with Magnus. Alec mumbled an incoherent response and that was all it took for Izzy to attempted to pry the information of what happen between he and Magnus out of him. Which Alec dodged pretty well before sending her off on a mission with Jace and a few other shadowhunters. Maybe now he could get some peace.  
Alec hasn’t even attempted to call Magnus. Mind replaying the worst of scenarios if he calls Magnus; scenarios similar to the night Magnus broke up with him.  
Alec doesn’t want to break up with the love of his life, which is why he’s avoiding Magnus. By not talking to his warlock, Alec does not give him the chance to break up. Because Alec knows that Magnus is his first, his last, his only love. Alec Lightwood knows he will not love another the way he loves Magnus Bane, and he know Magnus loves him too, but how many more screw ups will Magnus endure from Alec before he realizes he’s had enough? It’s a question that Alec cannot stomach; a future he never wishes to see.  
He doesn’t want to end up like his parents, who are now divorced and cannot stand the presence of one another. Or like Izzy and Raphael, who seem to have this tension following an attraction that had nothing to do with love. Or Clary and Jace, whose relationship Alec wouldn’t want to touch with a ten-foot-pole.  
Alec wants Magnus to love and to hold forever. To stay together even when things get tough. He wants to marry Magnus, have a family with him, because it wasn’t until Magnus that Alec realizes that his dreams had become a reality and he didn’t need to follow the so-called “social” norms if it meant fitting to everyone else’s mold and not his own.  
The more Alec thought about this, the more he wanted to go to Magnus and figure this out, but what if Magnus needed more time to think? More time to cool down? More time to-  
A knocking on the door had startled him out of his thoughts.  
“Come in,” he states after clearing his throat.  
Hesitantly, the door creeps open to reveal Magnus.  
“Hello, darling.” Magnus smiles shyly at him from the door.  
Alec is at a loss for words, Magnus seems almost embarrassed to be around him which sends a shock to the shadowhunter. The High Warlock of Brooklyn, shy in front of, well, Alec.  
Realizing he’s been staring, Alec chokes out a muffled “hi.” Straightening in his seat and facing his chair towards Magnus, body ridged.  
Magnus expression shifts at the tension in Alec’s shoulders, “You didn’t come home yesterday. I was worried.”  
This had Alec confused. Had he misread Magnus? Had he truly wanted him to stay when he told him to go?  
“Um, yeah. We, ugh, had a fight and I thought I would give you some time to, ugh, think.” Alec winces, his sentence sounding so much more jumbled out and pathetic out loud.  
Now Magnus looks confused, “Well, yes we did darling but that’s no reason to not come home. It’s no longer my loft, it’s our loft.” Magnus makes his way out of the doorway and towards Alec’s desk. Shutting the door with a flick of his wrist and a twirl of his ring-clad fingers.  
Alec’s drops Magnus’s intense gaze to pick at a fringe on the bottom of his sweater. He doesn’t want to talk about this, the conversation is making him uncomfortable.  
“Alec.”  
The name makes Alec flinch just a bit, but it is said with warmth and love that make it not as bad.  
“Alexand-”  
“You yelled.” Alec blurts out, cutting Magnus off and making himself want to face palm. The shadowhunter hangs his head as he feels the blush creep up his neck but decides to continue with, “You yelled and told me to go. So I went to let you cool off for a bit and then it was late and I didn’t know if...” he trails off and sneaks a glimpse at Magnus, who looks completely heartbroken.  
“Oh, darling.” The warlock says exasperated yet fondly as he makes his way around the desk and right into Alec’s lap, cupping his face and maintaining eye contact. “I will always want you to come home, I will always love you. Even if I yell, even if you yell. From now on you can always expect me to be there to love and hold you. Always.”  
On that note, Magnus kissed Alec’s lips softly as he wraps his arms around the shadowhunter’s neck and just like that, Alec can breathe again. The crushing weight on his shoulders lifts and the nagging feeling of losing Magnus leaves him as the kiss breaks and he hides his face in the warlock’s neck, taking in the smell of sandlewood and burnt magic. Magnus whispers sweet nothings fondly in his ear, kissing his love wherever he can reach him.  
For the first time since their breakup, Alec feels secure. Magnus loves Alec enough to fight for what they have, to show up and makeup after an argument, to ensure that Alec feels comfortable enough in what is now his new home.  
Alec understands now that they will fight, and hurt each other, it is unavoidable and happens in every relationship. But Alec knows he and Magnus will not end up like his parents or Izzy and Raphael, or Clary and Jace. They’re meant to be even though they are completely opposite people from totally different worlds.  
And Alec wouldn’t have it any other way.


End file.
